ecomorons.org

BREAKING NEWS – Our monthly Ecomoron Greenwashing Award for November goes to the company T3 Motion in Costa Mesa, CA. They are the manufacturer of the T3 personal vehicle (pictured above) which runs on rechargeable batteries – or, in the company’s words, “clean energy”. Congrats, guys!
The T3 trike has been featured in this blog as a vehicle that enables the officers of the Los Angeles Police Department to move at the speed of a cyclist, but without burning any calories.
So what made our jury pick T3 Motion for the prestigeous greenwashing award? It was the surprising yet prominent environmental claim on the company website, delivered with admirable chutzpah:

Clean Energy: At T3 Motion, Inc., we believe that our technology should be a benefit to both our professional end-users and the environment. Our zero gas emissions all-electric vehicle – the T3 Series – proves clean energy can also be cost-effective.

Our experts at the Ecomorons offices did of course put the company’s statements about clean energy to a test. The result is utterly surprising. See for yourself:

There is definitely no air pollution spewing out of this socket. Zero exhaust!
Just to make sure, we also used a second means of evaluation. We went to the California Energy Commission website for more info. The statistics there point out that 48 percent of electricity sold by the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power in 2006 was generated by coal power plants. The weird thing is: We always thought burning coal was dirty! We have to thank T3 Motion for setting us straight. Again, all the best to our zero emission innovators from Orange County!

(photos: PR Newswire Photo Service, Backhouse Images)

Location: San Marino, CA
Signature landscaping style in town: lawns on the sidewalk
Climate: dry-summer subtropical zone
Conditions at the moment: drought
Community demography: according to US Census data, San Marino’s population was 12,945 in the year 2000; median household income was $117,267; the town covers an area of 9.8 kilometers (3.8 square miles) in Los Angeles County
If you do lawn tourism here by bike: you are probably doing something illegal. According to City Code chapter 13 you need to buy a $6 Dollar license to operate your bike “propelled wholly or in part by human power, upon any street, public path or way” within City Limits.
Note to owners: What did you do to that palm tree?

Location: Palm Beach, FL
Climatic conditions at the moment: drought
Owner: Nelson Peltz
Water use over past 12 months: 57,000 gallons a day
Water use of average single family household in Southern Florida: 54,000 gallons per year
In plain English: Mr. Peltz uses more water within 24 hours than an average home uses in a whole year.
How we know this: We read it in Robert Frank’s Wealth Report at the Wall Street Journal online.
Note to owner: We are aware that your next door neighbor is Donald Trump, who we featured in Insane Lawns (2). We suspect there is some kind of lawning contest going on between you two. We solemnly declare it a tie.

(photo: Sotheby’s)

Location: Palm Beach, FL
Climatic conditions at the moment: drought
Owner: Donald Trump. He put the property up for sale. Asking price: 125 Million Dollars.
Mystery: Why would anyone want to sell such a beautiful lawn?
Note to owner: Don’t budge on the price! Your lawn is worth much more.

(photo: Sotheby’s)

This is the enMotion dispenser, manufactured by Georgia-Pacific (GP). The machine spits out a paper towel as you move your hand over the sensor at it’s front – using four big, beautiful, toxin-filled D-cell batteries to generate the necessary power.
According to GP spokesman Kelly Ferguson, more than one million specimens have been installed in bathrooms across North America since the product went on the market in 2003.
I asked Ferguson why his company has given mankind a towel dispenser that uses electricity for something that could easily be done with one quick hand motion.
“It provides”, he said, “a touchless type of bathroom experience. Some users have concerns about touching things in a public restroom.”
Oh. It’s ok. I understand. But I must point out that there is a downside to the touchless public toilet experience. In fact, it puts you at risk in many regards. Here’s why:
1) Limbo dancing under the stalls as a means to touchlessly enter the cubicle can result in premature disc degeneration on your lower spine.
2) Peeing hands-free, if you are male, can cause problems. It is considered safe only for females.
3) Being trapped in a bathroom for hours because no one else is there to tackle the doorknob for you will affect your mood and might lead to anxiety.

So if you value your health – don’t go for the touchless bathroom thing! Because, frankly, the enMotion is not as harmless as it seems.

PS: One big question remains. Why did any gym, any university or any office in this country ever order this dangerous, battery-powered beast? I’ll keep digging – but let me know if you solve this riddle first.

Location: Pasadena, CA
Climate: dry-summer subtropical zone
Conditions at the moment: drought; the City of Pasadena is experiencing its driest year since recordkeeping started in 1878
Survival of this lawn guaranteed by: excessive use of water, fertilizer, power tools

Note to owners: We think your lawn is too small. Please get a lawn-enlargement.

Just arrived at police stations around the country: the T3 personal vehicle.
The three wheeler looks like a cross between Rascal scooter and Segway. It is operated by a driver standing upright, at a maximum speed of 25 mph. Its power source: rechargeable batteries.

And this is the amazing thing: While it lets you get around at the speed of a bicycle, it does not have any of a bike’s unwelcome side effects. No more annoying burning of calories (except the few needed to keep you upright)! No more cardio workouts going uphill! No irritatingly toned legs! The T3 enables you to develop – and keep – your own personal love handles, double chin and double tummy!
As a special bonus, the machine even lets you waste energy as you benefit from its effects. You will have the privilege of changing batteries every 25, 50 or 75 miles, depending on battery type. It will leave you with the satisfying feeling of having pissed away resources for a task that you could have easily fulfilled with human power.
The desired results of the T3 seem to materialize immediately, as the above picture of an LAPD officer that appeared Saturday in the L.A. Times demonstrates.
Given the effects of the trike it’s safe to say that its engineers clearly knew what they were doing when they gave this thing a carrying capacity of up to 450 pounds. Go LAPD!